It's been a month and a half now, so I figure it's time to update y'all on WLP2k9

 IN the past weeks, I've kept up with my visits to workout with Muscles, I've started some new medications, and I've been eating fairly well.  So here's an update on the rules I set out to follow.

First:

The Guidelines to a Happier, Healthier Me:

1. This isn't a diet, it's a life change.  I have not deprived myself of anything.  I have only eaten less of those things.  in frequency, and in portion size.  I've learned that it's okay to have just one or two bites of ice cream.  and it's OKAY to have that 2pm Dr. Pepper that is calling my name (so long as it isn't the second or third time that week)

2. Be Positive.  I feel so great about staying positive, and I think working out more has helped me stay positive.

3. Learn Portion Control.  BIG TIME.  I've been doing so good with this y'all.  I've learned that it's okay to leave food on my plate, and it's okay to get less than i think i want, because it usually fills me up just the same, and if not, I can always get seconds.

4. Enjoy yourself.  And, I have.  I think being in better shape helped me have more fun on vacation.  I mean, I WENT KAYAKING.  If you ask anyone who knows me, before, I would have said "I'm on vacation, so screw the boat, I'm gunna have a margarita, a romance novel and sit still all day!"  But not this time.  This time, I swam nearly everyday, I TRIED to go deep sea fishing, I tried new things (kayaking, avacados).  Yes, I spent afternoons lounging by the pool with a book.  But I had a water with lime, and it was only after getting in a solid workout.  And i think I had more fun than I've ever had on a trip to Mexico.

5. Fell comfortable in your own skin.  The fact that I have slimmed down has helped this.  I mean, for the first time in my life, I wasn't scared that the seatbelts might not fit me on the plane (in fact, I had belt to spare!).  I look in the mirror and mostly, I'm liking what I see.

 

As for the fitness goals:

1. Walk up 4 flights of stairs without getting winded. Done, and done.

2. Become the type of person who runs.  I'm working on this.  Slowly increasing speeds and inclines on the treadmil.  I will get there.

3. Meet with my trainer once a week, and look forward to it.  In fact, it's usually 2-3 times a week, and for the most part I do look forward to it.  It's so nice to leave the gym feeling like I've accomplished that.

4. Go to the gym almost every day.  Here's where I've been bad.  Outside of my meets with Muscles, usually only go once a week.  so, my visits have been 3-4 times a week.  But I'm still seeing results, so i suppose this gives me room to up the ante when I start to plateau.

All in all, I'm seeing results in myself, but as you know, I'm not one for looking to the scale for results (especially with the muscle building I'm doing on top of things).  But I FEEL so much better, and I see a difference in my looks, and in the way people see me.  So, there's that.

Anyway, I feel like I'm doing pretty good.  I feel good about where I am.  And I'm happy.

 

Anxiety and more crazy talk.

So, I think I've found the big "root" of my planning anxiety.  After posting yesterday about wanting to give up planning to get married by Elvis, I kept hearing "but that's not the wedding you really want" and "you've been planning this is secret for years, why give up now?"

 

Here's the problem:

 

I DON'T know what kind of wedding I DO want.

 

I've been thinking about it my entire life, but I haven't made a single decision.  One day, I want my colors to be Black, White Silver and Red.  The next day, I want pink and green, and on other days I want a rainbow of citrus-y colors.  One day I want an outdoor plantation wedding, the next day, I want a huge cathedral with EVERYONE, and other days I want a destination wedding on some private beach in Mexico with my parents and the girls I've picked to be my maids, hell, sometimes, I even consider converting religions because so many other religious wedding traditions appeal to me.  One day, I think a birdcage veil is wonderful, the next I want a lace mantilla, and other times, I want to skip the veil for a tiara or bejeweled headband.  When I close my eyes and try to picture my "perfect wedding" the ONLY clear picture is that Brett is standing there with me.  Everything else is just a rush of various images, and I can't settle on a single one.  Here's what I know.  I want Roses, and Dahlias, and I want my close friends and family there.  I don't think I want kids there, but with so many of Brett's relatives coming in from out of town, what am I supposed to tell them to do with the boogers (who I will want to see, just you know… not screaming while I'm trying to get married)?  I might want a second line dance, and I MIGHT want to do cake pulls (local traditions), but I'm worried that will make the Yankees feel alienated (and let's face it, at least half the guests will be yanks)

 

The more I look through magazines, the worse it gets, because the more ideas I get.

 

How can I narrow down my vision into one cohesive affair?  

Also, to clarify...

It's not jsut the money and my mom stressing me out.

 

It's also:

 

1. Brett's mom's reaction when brett told her he was going to propose was "Are you sure?"

2. One of Brett's friends is now refering to me as his "future ex-wife" (for no reason other than, she's a biotch)

3. Pretty much Brett's entire family (aside from his sister) don't seem happy for him at all, and that makes him sad, which makes me want to punch them for hurting his feelings.

4. I get the nagging feeling that in creating a wedding guest list I'm actually making two lists "People who are invited" and "people who will hate me forever"

5. I'm also pretty stressed out about work stuff right now as someone I've never met, in Seaford Maryland is going to decide if I'm staying with the company or not in the next few weeks.

 

I just want to go home, and go back to sleep.

 

 

 

Five Days.

Five Days.

 

That's how long it took from the day of my engagement until I had my first Wedding Related Panic Attack.  Admittedly it was a small enough one that I was able to calm myself down, and breathe, but not before someone at work stopped by to ask me if I was okay.

 

So, what set this off was that my mom sent me an e-mail that she wants to do the wedding for under $10,000.  Now, this is a budget I can work with, but apparently not one that she can.  I told her that at that price, with 200 people (we have two large catholic families), there will be sacrifices to the "really nice" (her words) wedding that she wants to throw.  She wants to have a served meal, and open bar.  For the caterer she wants 9,000 covers the lowest cost buffet meal and well drinks open bar for 3 hours with a 200 person guest list.  PLUS 9% sales tax, and 18% gratuity, which takes it over 11,000  Great, we're over budget, and I don't even have a dress yet, not to mention a place to EAT this food.

 

Here's the thing, I have an anxiety problem.  It's documented and everything.  I have NO anxiety WHATSOEVER about the Marriage that Brett and I will have, no reservations about the life we have built, and will continue to build together.

 

But this wedding is turning me into a mess, already.

 

So here's my question to you readers.  Brett and I are leaving for Vegas in 8 days.  I'm so tempted to get married by Elvis just so this will be over with, and Brett and I will be married, and I won't have to deal with planning.

 

Should I do it?

Spoiler Alert! It ends in you saying "Awwwww"

So, last night I got in from my big vacation.  Here's a short synopsis:

Got to see some GORGEOUS scenery (from my window):

 

Got to see THIS sunrise:

 

My dad ate a bug:

 

We ate WAY too much food (but it was all sooooo good):

 

I went snorkeling and saw some Turtles!!!!! (ps - I LIKE TUHTLES):

 

I went fishing (but didn't catch a damn thing other than a sunburn):

 

 And, now heres the part where you saw awwww:  I GOT ENGAGED!!!!!

I knew ahead of time that Brett was going to propse on my birthday, I just figured he'd do it at night.  Well the night before he started getting all antsy and insistant that I get up at 5:30 in the morning on my birthday and watch the sun rise.  So, i set an alarm and dragged myself out of bed.  Brett was already awake when i woke up, and he had tugged on his best shirt (a polo, so, he's not much for the "fine clothing" but, it was still a big deal for him) and styled his hair, so i figured, I should probably put on the dress I bought to wear.  I got dressed, and we headed down to the beach, where Brett had set up a heart in the sand:

 

He grabbed two chairs, and we attempted to watch a sunrise.  We didn't get nearly the show that we had in the picture above.  the sky got a TINY bit pink, and then storm clouds moved in, and it was daylight. I suggested that we go inside, but then Brett asked if i would go stand inside the heart with him.  He took my hands and delivered this great speech, of which i can only remember him starting with "you know, we've been together for like 20% of our lives" and ending down on one knee asking "will you marry me?"  The rest of his speech is lost in my memory forever, I was just too overwhelmed with emotions.  I grabbed the ring, and put it on my own finger before he had gotten to his feet, but then I took it off so that he could do the honors once I realized what I was doing.  We went inside, and showed everyone the ring (even though they had all seen it, and knew it was coming anyway).  We called all of the family members, and I spent the rest of the day, joining as many wedding websites as I could find with zero shame attached.

 

And also, here's some pictures of the ring:

Hey y'all ( a mobile blog from Mexico!)

So, today I sat on a boat for 4 hours and didn't catch anything, then I got a giant sunburn on my back and the backs of my legs. And now, we're in hour 4 of a predicted 8 hour power loss. But, it was still a better than normal day. Because I saw SEA TURTLES! For those of you who don't know, I pretty much love sea turtles in a way that most people love dolphins. I saw two today while snorkeling, one was still pretty young, and only about a foot and a half long, the other was about two and a half feet long. I'll post pictures a little later!

I hope everyone is having a fabulous week!

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

Man did I have a BIG FUN weekend.

Friday:  I hung out with my Momma and a few other ladies at my Parent's house, we floated on the pool, and I ate a huge piece of cake.  It was delicious, and I refuse to regret it.  Afterwards, I went to the mall to look at casual dresses for Mexico, nothing fit, so I moved on to luggage, I picked out a set for Brett and I, but realized I left my wallet at home, so no dice.  Brett and I stayed in for the night, I went to sleep ridiculously early (8pm).

 

Saturday:  I woke up around 7:30 and lounged until 10, when I met Muscles at the gym.  He kicked my butt, but I left feeling great.  After that Brett and I took a nap with puppy, before heading over to a friend's house for some BBQ.  Our friends are from Mexico, and they can SERIOUSLY cook.  I was the only person there with out a working knowledge of Spanish (Boyfriend and my parents and I were the only Americans).  But everything was delicious.  We had Carne Asada, Chorizo, Tortillas, Guacamole, Pico De Gaillo (with avocados in it, mmmmm), Churro Beans, and grilled leeks.  I ate WAY too much.  But, like the cake, I refuse to regret it.  After lunch we headed over to the Parents, and hopped into the pool where I did about 45 minutes of Water Aerobics (my favorite kind of aerobics!)  Then headed home, and hit the sack early again.

 

Sunday: Headed to Mawmaw's house for the crawfish EXTRAVAGANZA.  There was Crawfish Salad, Crawfish Cornbread, and most importantly Crawfish Bisque.  Again, I ate way to much, and it proved to be my only meal of the day, as I was still full by the time I went to bed.  This one, I regret a little, but only in that I muscled down my full portion without saying "you know what, I can take half of this home!" and because of that, I was miserable all day.  

 

This morning I came to work late because I had a doctor's appointment.  I found out that I gained 5 pounds over the weekend.  Oops.  I need to tell myself that, this happens, and that overall, I'm still down in weight from last month, and this is just the price to pay for all of the decadent food I had over the weekend.  Other news from the doctor, is that I'm back on track with my meds.  I'm back to taking the medicines that will help me lose more weight faster, by helping my metabolic pathways.  I'm back on twice daily injections, and taking pills with milk to avoid stomach pain.  But I'm so happy, because this also means I'm back to having energy, feeling full before I feel miserable, and not feeling hungry an hour after eating.

 

Okay, now that I've bored you all.  Time to get back to work, and make that paper.

basnishing fast food, and new camera fun!

I know I said I wasn't going to do this.  But it has to be done.

 

The first "no-no" of my eating plan:  FAST FOOD.

 

It is officially banished. 

 

It makes me tired, and sick, and I don't want to do that to my body anymore.  Yet somehow, I can't stop myself from morning biscuits at McDonalds.  So, this is what it has come to.  I will walk across the street if I see one.  I will give the sign the finger as I drive by.  I will treat fast food as if it were an ex-boyfriend who cheated.

 

I will no longer visit any "restaurant" with a drive through window (Daiquiri shop excluded, because seriously… who doesn't love running through that drive through on the way home on Friday?).  

 

-----------------

 

In other news, I bought a new camera last night as well.  A Kodak M1033.  It doesn't take pictures as sharp as my Nikon D40, nor does it have as many options to change settings, but it's tiny, fits in my purse, and will be a heck of a lot nicer to travel with than a giant dSLR. 

 

Also, I got a FANTASTIC deal on the camera.  I saw it at Target first for $159.99, and kind of fell in love, but I told Boyfriend that I wouldn't spend more than 150, and with tax, that would put me WAY over.  So we went to dinner, and stopped at a best buy on the way home.  They had ONE left, the display model, and were selling it for $109.99.  Here's the catch though, they lost all of the accessories (cords, software, etc.).  The girl offered it for $99.99 and I decided at that price, I can FIND a way to charge the battery.

 

The USB cable is something proprietary to Kodak, and I'm having trouble finding it, however, as long as I can find a way to charge the battery (a Li ION) I'll be set, because I can transfer the pictures via the card reader on my laptop.

 

So, wish me luck when I go to radio shack tonight.  I might just need it.

I went shopping!

I realized I haven't blogged about my latest beauty hauls!

 

That's exciting.

 

In the past week, I've bought from Sephora online, I also took TWO visits to my local ULTA.

 

First:  The Sephora Haul:

 

 

Bare Minerals in Fairly Light

 

I don't think I can mention enough how much I love this foundation.  It gives me perfect coverage without that pore clogging mess that traditional foundations bring to my face.

 

 

Nars Blush in Orgasm

 

I've been meaning to pick this up for a while now, but always put it back when I find some other goody.  I tried it at Amber's the other weekend, and loved the flush it gave me so much, that I snagged it for myself.

 

I also snagged a free Sephora Tote using the code EARTHDAY at checkout.  I'm waiting until the shipment arrives (tomorrow) to decide if the tote is great or not… for all I know it could be flimsy and worthless, but it was free, so I'm giving it a try.

 

 

On my first trip to ULTA I picked up two different TooFaced Palettes, but as I got home, I realized that one had very similar colors to a Chanel palette I bought over a year ago, then promptly used ONCE.  So, I decided that the next day I would return or exchange that palette for something else.

 

After much deliberation on palettes (I'm ultra picky, and don't like magnet closures), I finally settled on:

Urban Decay's "Get Baked" Palette.  It came with 3 gold tones (Baked, Half Baked, and Twice baked) and one shiny teal color (Flipside), Also, it had a 24/7 eyeliner in Bourbon (a dark brown with gold shimmer), and a mini Primer Potion in Sin (yep, you guessed it, MORE SHINY STUFF).

 

A fun fact about me?  I LOVE Urban Decay's Primer Potion.  So, having this tiny one will help clear up space in my one quart ziplock of "allowed carryon liquids" (especially since I've engineered a way to refill the thing) to take on my two upcoming trips (11 days 'til I leave for Mexico y'all!  FLU BE DAMNED!).  Due to my lipgloss addiction (or obsession, whatever), and need for deodorant and contact solution that ziplock has gotten awfully crowded on trips.

 

Anyway, back to the palette.  I didn't want to love it so much.  It doesn't meet my strict guidelines of "palettes I will not ruin while traveling"  But I LOVE every color included.  I thought about just buying the individual colors, but just getting two of them was more expensive than the palette.  So, got it I did.

 

I've worn the colors every day since.

 

I'm looking forward to pairing these shadows with my new nars blush and an apricot lip gloss.  It will be my epic summertime look. 

Maybe something exciting will happen tomorrow...

This morning is going pretty quickly.  I think it helps that I got to work almost an hour behind schedule (we had several tornado warnings this morning, and I didn't want to be driving on the highway when torrential downpours hit)  But nonetheless it is almost time for my lunch break.

 

I haven't had much to blog about recently, just more visits with Muscles, spending time with Boyfriend, and not getting to do much fun at work.

 

My thoughts have been consumed with H1N1, and how it will affect the coming trip to Akumal, but it seems like it won't be much of a factor at all at this point.  I didn't want to blog about that, because, having already mentioned it two (perhaps three) times, I believe my allowance has been surpassed. 

 

So, I think that's really all I have to blog about for now.

 

I know, I know, I'm boring.