Honeymoon Plans

When we first started talking honeymoon, Europe was on the table, and I was gung ho hoping for a trip to Greece, Bulgaria, or Croatia.  Gorgeous coasts, great food, crystal blue waters.

Then my dad offered to pay airfare to mexico, and to let us use his Timeshare in Cabo San Lucas.... So, we went with the free honeymoon.

I'm having trouble finding many great pictures of the place online, but this is the biggie for the hotel.  This is the view from the pool.... where I plan on spending almost all of my time.

Naturally, we will also take time out to go see some of the beautiful sights around Cabo:

But probably most of all, we'll get started on our quest for a baby.  We've talked about it, and rather than wait a long time after we get married, we're going to try right off the bat.  By the time the honeymoon rolls around we'll have been together for SIX years.  We've had the "us" time, and we want kids.

Ugh. my life is a sea of Dramaz.

So, apparently someone i thought was a best friend wants nothing more to do with me. 

One of my bridesmaids not only decided to step down (because she wants to take vacation in Florida the week before my wedding, and doesn't know if she'll have "enough" vacation time for her trip, my wedding and her honeymoon), isn't even coming to my wedding, and then pressured me to step down as one of her maids, so that her 16 year old Male cousin could be a bridesmaid instead of me.

on one hand, I'm happy because, she picked one of the ugliest dresses I had seen in a long time.  But I'm also very hurt, and I feel very rejected.  I went through a lot of work to make her part of my day, and she doesn't even want to show up.  I don't understand.  Am I that horrible of a friend? 

So, I haven't been blogging latley, and here's why:

I am living in a sea of depression:

I've been unemployed since December.  This is NOT ok.  I don't like being dependent on other people, and I especially don't like that I feel so helpless to even find a job.  but NO ONE around here is hiring for my degree.  I've emailed my resume to every company, responded to every job posting even remotely related to Chemical Engineering, but I'm not even getting "sorry you're not good enough" or "sorry, we can't take on any employees right now"  I'm only getting silence.  I'm starting to think that I will NEVER work again, and Brett and I will be forced to live out our lives paycheck to paycheck in this stupid apartment.

My parents, are still acting like children, and thats all I really want to say about that.

Also, someone from my past, has managed to rear his ugly freaking head AGAIN.  This has prompted a month filled with nightmares...

I don't like to write about sadness here, but i felt I owed any readers I still had an explanation.  Because of these things, nothing exciting has been going on, because, i'd rather stay home all day than even leave the house.

bah.

:(

Oh yes, and also, apparently, everyone in my family is gearing up to hate my wedding.  I keep hearing second-hand that "so-and-so is crushed that you aren't having REAL wedding cake" "someone who doesn't even have kids is upset that you made it no-kids" and "your mom wants such and such, so you should get it instead of what you want to make her happy" and it's frustrating as hell.  I'm trying so hard to make my wedding NOT be "sit there and act interested for an hour, then eat some crappy food" and to be something that people will have fun at, while not spending 9 billionty dollars, and all everyone cares about is some minute detail that "tradition" dictates I'm supposed to have.  It's too much pressure.

Harumph.

I've been struggling with wedding planning. 

See, the problem is that, I'm quirky.  And I've been questioning my own choices in planning.  Part of me wants a traditional cake, but then I remember how much I love the strawberry shortcake from ambrosia, and how happy it makes me.  Part of me wants letterpressed, caligraphied-up, professional wedding invites.  But then I think about the cute orange and pink ones I've designed to screenprint (which have NO cursive, or instructions on how to dress (other than to wear dancing shoes), or parents names) and the feedback I got from the save the dates, and I'm thrilled with my desicion to diy.  And then I think about the dress I got, and how, even though I love it doesn't really "fit in" with the whole quirkyness of handmade invitations, non-floral bouquets, an officiant who has hair longer than mine, and a cake with fresh fruit and a super mario cake topper.

It's like the girly side of me and the nerdy/quirky side of me are battling it out for control of the wedding.  I want a balance.  Yes, I'm a nerd, and quirky, and silly, but at the same time I love shoes, and designer bags, and have hoardes of makeup.  I just don't know where to find the balance.

One dress to rule them all.....

So, Back in January, I took my butt off to my second attempt at trying on dresses.  I made an appointment at a small boutique in town, and with my mom, and bridesmaid April in tow, we went off on a search for gowns.

My mom and I got there first, ready to meet April there.  The girl who was helping me asked what I wanted and I said "Tulle skirt, after that, I'm game to try anything"  She pulled out a dress from the racks, and as soon as I saw it, I had this warm tingly feeling.  It was a strapless princess cut dress decorated with sworovski crystals.  She said that the sample was a size 10 (which in wedding sizes is Kate Moss), and I almost started crying because I knew I couldn't try that on.  I was shown a similar dress sample (this time in my size) to get an idea of how the silhouette will look, She pinned the tiny dress to the front of me, and, it was decided that this was the one.  And then my friend April got there.  This all happened in under 15 minutes.  I didn't even look at other dresses.  This one came in just barely over budget (and was easily customized for a very small fee, and I really do mean it was a small fee - $75 to change the neckline to sweetheart).  It was in all about $150 more than I had set aside to spend on the dress, but I think it was worth it. 

ENGAGEMENT PICTURES!

So, before I show you my engagement pictures, I'll tell you about my photographers (why yes, i do have several)

First is my friend David.  He is a local food photographer and has taken the photos for several cookbooks.  You should go to his website to see some of his amazing work.  http://www.gumbogood.com/  Go on.  I'll wait.

I went to him and asked if he would do the wedding, but he said that he doesn't like to do weddings and told me he'd do the engagement pics at a substantial price cut for me.  So, I jumped on that.  There will be a different photographer taking pictures for the wedding, and yet a different one for my bridal shots.  What can I say?  I'm a photography junkie, and I happen to have several friends who are fantastic at it.

So, Here are some of my favorites from the engagement shoot:

PS - So, y'all.  Apparently, I wrote this back in NOVEMBER, and never hit post... I just saved it.  I'm awfully bored today (It's 6:30 in the am, and I've given up on catching any zzzzzz's, so I'm going to try and get myself a nice steady backlogs of posts written today, so that on days I don't feel like writing, I can just pull up an old draft, and hopefully, that will keep me regular?  we'll see)

Sorry for the lack of posts.... Life has been crazy latley. I'm uping
my workout time considerably latley because, well, it's important.

I also made a decision to start taking diet pills. I started my
prescription Friday morning and this morning the scale read 7.8 pounds
lighter than it did. I'm thinking it was a good decision.

I have so many good posts planned for y'all about wedding updates, I
just need to find the time! As it is, I'm writing this post on my
iPod while on my lunch break (cause less food to eat = more time to
goof off on my cell phone!).

The weight game.

So, I am considering something fairly drastic.  Diet Pills.  of the "about to be banned by the FDA" varriety.  I am overweight.  and I'm sick of it.  I eat fairly healthy (lots of salad, reduced fat, low cal, cut out junk food), I do cardio 3 times a week, and strength train twice a week.  AND I'M STILL FAT.  I'm sick of having tried everything and failing.  I'm sick of loosing only 5 pounds, then seeing nothing else budge on the scale.  My cousin has lost 50 pounds since labor day.  FIFTY.  Does she work out?  nope.  Does she eat healthy foods?  nope.  BUT, she took diet pills.  So, I'm trying it.

I don't even care if it give me some sort of heart problem.  I'm just willing to do whatever it takes to get skinny at this point.  (even "eat less, excersize more", which I'm already doing.) 

Happy New Year Everybody!

My only resolution is to be happy this year.  There were too many twists and turns for me in 2009, and well, now... it's time for the fresh start.